A Box of Mismatched Tupperware Lids
It is one of the great mysteries of the cosmos: where do the bottoms go? Boomers have a cabinet overflowing with orange lids, but not a single container that fits them. Yet, they hold onto them. Tossing a lid feels like admitting defeat, and we don’t give up on expensive plasticware in this house.
A Drawer Full of Plastic Grocery Bags
Everyone has the "bag of bags" stuffed under the sink. It’s like a plastic Russian nesting doll situation down there, and boomers simply cannot throw them away because that would be wasteful! Besides, what if they suddenly need to transport fifty wet swimsuits or scoop a thousand litter boxes in a single afternoon?
A Box of Random Rubber Bands
They come with the newspaper, the broccoli, and the mail, and boomers make sure to collect all of them. Most of them are so old they will snap the second they are stretched, potentially taking an eye out. But the thrill of adding another one to the collection is undeniable.
Batteries of Dubious Age
They are loose, rolling around in the drawer like runaway marbles. Are they new? No. Are they dead? Nobody knows. The only way to know is to pop them into the remote and spin them around until something happens. They refuse to throw them out because they might have 5% power left, which will come in handy when the current ones die out.
A Giant Tub of Random Cables
Boomers have cords with connectors that haven’t been manufactured since dial-up internet was considered fast. But they must not toss them! The second they throw out that mystery beige cord, a crucial appliance will break, and that specific wire will be the only thing that could have saved it. Happens every time.
Bread Bag Twist Ties
Why would anyone pay good money for fancy cable organizers when a loaf of sourdough gives you one for free? These little metal strips are stripped-down MacGyver tools. Sure, they have hundreds of them spilling out of a kitchen drawer, but when there is a need to secure a vine in the garden or fix a pair of glasses, they’ll be the hero.
Every User Manual Ever Printed
They have a pristine, thick booklet in three languages for a toaster oven that actually caught fire in 2009. It doesn’t matter that the appliance is in a landfill; the paperwork is filed away safely.. Plus, the internet might crash one day, and then how would you know how to set the microwave's clock?
Coffee Cans Full of Screws and Nails
If you shake it, it sounds like a maraca made of heavy metal. It’s usually an old Folgers tin filled with rusty nails, bent screws, and washers that fit nothing and everything. And amazingly, whenever something breaks, the exact screw needed will always be present in the can.
Old Birthday and Christmas Cards
Throwing away a card with a handwritten note feels like a personal betrayal, doesn't it? So, they go into a shoebox. They tell themselves they’ll sit down and read them all one quiet evening to feel nostalgic, but mostly they just gather dust (and guilt) on the top shelf of the closet.
Broken Appliances They Might “Get Around to Fixing”
Sure, the toaster only toasts on one side, and the vacuum sounds like a jet engine taking off, but you can’t just toss sturdy manufacturing! Boomers are convinced that with a little elbow grease and a fifty-cent washer, it’ll outlast the new plastic stuff. Who knows? Someday, they might just prove us all wrong.
Clinging to obsolete tech seems to be a pattern here…
Clinging to obsolete tech seems to be a pattern here…
CDs and DVDs, Even Though They Don’t Have a Player
Boomers haven’t owned a device with a disc drive in a decade, but they still have a tower of jewel cases. What if Netflix goes bankrupt? What if the cloud evaporates? They’ll be the only ones laughing and watching a scratched copy of Shrek 2 while the rest of the world sits in silence.
Stacks of Old Magazines
There is a stack of National Geographic or Reader’s Digest magazines in the corner that is structurally load-bearing at this point. They are convinced that there is a specific casserole recipe in the November 2004 issue that they need to try. They will never find it, of course, but the magazines stay.
Jars of Buttons
Every time you buy a shirt, you get a small plastic baggie with an extra button. Into the jar it goes! Boomers have built full button empires over the years, and to be fair, when a shirt or pant button finally does pop off, that jar suddenly feels pretty useful.
And something for when satellites fail…
And something for when satellites fail…
Maps From the Glove Box
Sure, smartphones have GPS, but what if the battery dies in the middle of a road trip? That’s why the glove compartment is stuffed with paper maps that are impossible to refold. Some of the roads on them don't exist anymore, but that’s part of the adventure!
Old Towels for Future “Rags”
A towel never dies; it just gets demoted. First, it’s for guests, then family, then the dog, and finally, it becomes a “rag.” They have enough rags to clean an entire cruise ship. The linen closet is bursting at the seams, but they just can’t seem to toss them. After all, a good spill requires a scratchy, faded towel from decades ago to do the job right.
Random Keys That Open Nothing
Boomers have a heavy keyring containing keys to God knows what. They have absolutely no clue what they unlock, but throwing them away feels like a dangerous move. What if one of them opens a secret safe-deposit box they had forgotten about? Better to keep them jingling in a drawer forever, just to be safe.
Old Phone and Accessories
They have a drawer dedicated to the graveyard of cellular history. Why keep three flip phones and a knot of chargers for devices that haven't rung since the Bush administration? Because what if their smartphone breaks? Nobody sells SIM cards for them anymore, but they’ll be fully prepared to play a wicked game of Snake.
The next item is surely one of the most unexplainable on the list…
The next item is surely one of the most unexplainable on the list…
VHS Tapes
The VCR is nowhere to be seen, yet the wall of tapes remains. Some are labeled “Christmas ‘92,” while others are Hollywood blockbusters. They can’t watch them, but holding the plastic brick brings back memories. Plus, they keep saying they’ll pay a service to digitize them, but let's be realistic, that’s never going to happen.
Spare Light Bulbs
They upgraded to energy-efficient LEDs throughout the house, but still have a stash of old incandescent bulbs that run hot enough to cook an egg. None of them actually belongs in any room of the house anymore. Doesn't matter. Light is light! When the grid goes down, they... well, they still won’t be able to use them. But at least they’ll have them.
Old Takeout Condiment Packets
Crack open any boomer’s junk drawer, and you’ll find a sticky culinary time capsule. There are soy sauce packets from the Clinton administration and ketchup that has turned a suspicious shade of brown. But hey, why buy a bottle when you have a lifetime supply of taco sauce right here?
