This article was originally published on Kueez
Kids say the darndest things, as we all know. But are you aware that kids learn the craziest things, too? We've uncovered some of the wildest schoolwork the world has ever seen, and we simply can't wrap our head around how these things ever got made. How did the teachers even manage to grade these things? Have schools gone utterly mad? Read on for some ridiculously funny stuff!
It's Time to Solve One of Life's Great Mysteries
Ah yes, the age-old question. Why am I itchy? It’s almost impossible to resist the urge to scratch. The toughest men can break under that kind of pressure, though usually, it's easily relieved. But what happens when the irritation is below the belt? That's an awfully embarrassing problem to solve in public. This young man is courageously searching for answers on why he is plagued with discomfort for a school project.
According to experts, the reason for itchiness could be anything from bedbugs to pollen. But in this case, we don't know his personal situation. Our advice: Go to a doc, and stop experimenting!
All in the Name of Science
Just what in the world is a sphincter? According to the National Institute of Health, it's a "ring-shaped muscle that relaxes or tightens to open or close a passage or opening in the body. Examples are the anal sphincter (around the opening of the anus) and the pyloric sphincter (at the lower opening of the stomach)." Good to know, NIH. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, check out this science project!
This young man claims the sphincter is some kind of poopy gateway. He's not wrong, and it's a legit topic to research. We just hope he is holding a fake sample, and not an authentic one.
We Really Hope This Is a Joke
It's a beautiful thing when kids look up to their parents. This little girl clearly looks up to her mother. When she grows up, she wants to be just like mom! The only problem? Mom is an exotic dancer! At least, that's what the picture appears to show. That's a bit worrying! It's great that the child drew accurate art, but we are not sure we like that she knows about this gig. What's going on in this house?
Actually, this parent wrote in to clarify. She has never done this job, and she wants to explain what happened. We wonder if the teacher bought it!
There's a Good and a Bad Way to Do It
Being a lady of the night is one of the most dangerous jobs there is. No one thinks about what they deal with, but there are perils. Whether crazed killers lurk in alleys or invite you over for tea, there is always a risk. And there might even be a perp at the local elementary school. Look at this project! An absolute villain in the making, this student has decided to share his best tips.
How did he get into the hobby so early? We have no clue. They say that kids grow up faster these days, and we will have to go with that. This boy is very methodical about his activity. Scientific, even!
This Information Will Come in Handy One Day
According to experts, most bodies do float after death. Why is this little guy so fascinated by that subject? The internet needs to know. Perhaps he's a future serial killer in the making. Or perhaps, as we suspect, this is a future mortician, funeral director, or CSI investigator. Not everyone is comfortable with morbid topics, but some of us should deal with the facts. Where would we be without them?
Perhaps a close reading of his display would teach us something. We're not sure if we have the courage to do it, but he has organized it well enough to merit an A.
No Thank You, Dear
This school project has a hostile message, for once. We are so used to hearing cute facts at the science fair. Why not mix it up, and get incredibly angry in red letters? We see that one little girl has decided to do that, and we applaud her honesty. She proudly smiles in front of the display, and people stop by to ask questions. Isn't it clear? Enough questions! Just die already, please.
Just kidding. This is a very informative board about the issue of e.coli bacteria. If any traces of feces touch your food, you can get pretty sick. Cooks, beware: Better safe than sorry, and always wash your hands.
No One Could Refuse a Smile Like That
There are ways to persuade. That's an art, and we respect it. On the other hand, there's manipulation. How can you get things you don't deserve? Maybe all you need to do is give a sweet little smile and puppy dog eyes. Bonus points if you know the giver. Like, say, your stepdad. This school science project seeks to quantify the relationship between being cute and getting whatever you want.
On the board, we see a chart helping us understand the data. This girl has done a lot of research. We think it was probably personal, in her very own home.
We Believe This Is a Legit Answer
When you have those fill-in-the-blank assignments, things can get tricky. Multiple choice is probably our favorite because at least one of the answers has to be true. But when things get more abstract, there's all kinds of potential for error. Take this worksheet, for example. An innocent child filled in first letters to complete words. Using the pictures on the left, they understood the word. Except for number nine, apparently. That one required a little extra work.
You might think the little man here is just sitting on a box. But that's the obvious take. Maybe he's sitting, but doing an additional activity on that box. Do you think this was the real right answer?
Teats Come in All Shapes and Sizes
We know that cows have big, beautiful udders that deliver milk by the gallon. But are they the only animal with mammaries? Indeed, they are not. These distracting features are on every mammal. One young lad has explored biology for his science project. He could have gone with chemistry or physics. But as we can see, he has a keen interest in this subject. A very specific subject within the discipline, in fact.
The exhaustive comparison study here even includes human teats. And not just any teat variety. Big ones, attached to bikini bodies. We can't say we're surprised, but we are fascinated.
We Hope the Answer Is None of Them at This Age
There are all kinds of balls out there. There's basketball, baseball, and football balls. Then, there are the smaller ones, like tennis and golf balls. There are parlor balls, like pool and ping pong. ANd we assume that kids love to play with them, all in good fun. We can't figure out why this math problem was worded so poorly, though. Is there a bad man working at the workbook company? We think so.
In fact, we think so for sure. No one decent would word a question this way. Hopefully, the kids are too young to giggle at the double meaning, unlike us.
This Doodle Is Not Going to Earn Any Extra Credit
Spelling is not everyone's strong suit. But honestly. it's not an indication of brilliance, either. Some are just better than others at memorizing the order of letters. It's always impressive when someone wins the big spelling bee, but we are willing to look at other smarts for our final assessments. For all we know, Pablo Picasso was an artistic genius, but that couldn't express itself in language class. And would that really be fair, to judge?
Here, it seems we have a double threat. He knows how to spell mop. And he's gone above and beyond to show off some art. The drawing looks pretty abstract. Yet it's very familiar, somehow.
We're Not Sure if Sparks Belong Down There at All
We're always impressed with budding engineers. Math is hard, and physics is even harder. Here, ambitious youngsters stand in front of a major achievement. They decided to construct an electrical device for their science fair. Some might argue with their choice here, but it still sounds like it took real skills. That, and a serious interest in lady parts. Who would have guessed young males would try to create their own version?
From the way it sounds, it might even work. But electricity is tricky. No one can currently assure them that this is safe. More testing is needed on the prototype!
It's a Little Harsh to Assume That Already
There is a stereotype that science guys don't get the girl. They are often seen as geeky and awkward, and mostly interested in their vials and test tubes. But approaching the ladies is a science in itself. Will these students rise to the occasion in the near future, or hide in the laboratory? That's an interesting study we plan to conduct. For now, all we have is this hypothesis: Virgins of the future!
They might be, but the data isn't in just yet. Some may wonder if this sign was put there by bullies. That's a hypothesis, too. Whatever the case may be, the internet is already laughing!
We Don't Even Want to Know the Story Behind This One
learning new verbs is a constant process throughout young life. We know the easy ones right away. Eat, sleep, drink, and other words help us get what we need early on. But as the years go by, we want to express nuance. Here, an elementary school workbook tries to teach kids a new word. To preen is to dress up and admire yourself. What was the student drawing and response?
The doodle is actually quite accurate. But the explanation below is bizarre. Where did they learn this kind of language? We assume they eavesdropped. But it's alarming they are now repeating it in public!
We Don't Think That's Really True
This goat is masterfully drawn in pencil. It includes all the classic goat features: We've got horns. We've got four little legs. And we have a curly tail. It's a great goat if we've ever seen one. It prances along in the grass, and it seems to be enjoying its life in this box. Drawing the animal was only one part of the exercise. The teacher also wanted the sentence unscrambled. Here's one solution to that riddle!
Ideally, the child would have said their goat was in a pen. But this time, the sentence was constructed more creatively. Maybe this wasn't what was expected, but that's the mark of an independent mind!
The Sheer Number of Birds Out There Is Shocking
Have you been pooped on by a mysterious being, up in the sky? That's not an accident. You may suspect there are a ton of birds flying around out there. According to National Geographic, the estimated number is between 50 billion and 430 billion worldwide, but no one knows for sure. What we do know is that these animals are mobile, and they're not going to sit still for a count. Not even for science.
This young man addressed them in his school project. We like the topic. He asks: Are there birds in the world? Then, he tests his theory that there are. And indeed, there really are.
This Looks Like Self Esteem Gone Too Far
Today, the class has been promoted to explain why they are special. This student has a lot of interests and hobbies. For the homework, he decided to write about a few of them. We quickly learn that he likes to play football. That's perfectly American. And at home, he likes to build things with legos. That's great! As we read on, we see a final summary. He is god? We don't really understand that part of the essay.
Some say that building self-esteem is the most important thing you can do for your child. But there's healthy self-regard, and then there's this madness. Perhaps he meant good. We don't know, these days!
We Are Happy to Do That Later
We've all wondered the same thing in the bathroom, from time to time. What's the deal with corn? Science has found the answer, so you can finally relax. According to WebMD: "Corn might look untouched when it passes out in your stool. But your body does digest parts of it. The outer skin of the kernel contains cellulose, which your body can't break down. It can digest nutrients inside the kernel, though."
This young man knew it was a burning question for the community. For biology class, he created a very informative board to tell the world about that corn. Thanks buddy!
Gas Happens to the Best of Us
It's a stinky subject, but gas attacks can sneak up on the best of us. After a cabbage salad or a bean burrito, the likelihood increases by the hour. Before you know it, you're tooting up a storm. That's okay when we're home alone, and there's no one to terrorize but ourselves. But when it happens suddenly, it can be quite disturbing to those around us. Not to mention, embarrassing!
This child decided to use honesty when explaining the vocab word of the day. I suddenly farted, he writes. We get it. We also like his illustration, below. Super gassy, very classy.
Maybe Spelling Isn't Her Strong Suit
To illustrate the letter t, this was assigned practice. Students were expected to draw an example. Here, we have a pleasant drawing of a woman with bright pink hair. She's pretty trendy, too. Looking at her style, she's wearing a red shirt and sleek purple tights. But looking at the heading above, you might not know that. This student is not going to win the spelling bee, that's for sure!
Luckily. the teacher has corrected the error, and did so with compassion. See the smiley face? There's no need to feel shame about a mistake. But next time, we will know if it's a mischievous misspell!
We Know the School Didn't Approve Those Tests
The homeless sleep under bridges and lay on benches, all around us. Some wonder why they do not simply go to city shelters, but they must have their reasons. Overall, we are concerned about the hazards they experience in the cold and in the dark. They could easily freeze in the winter. And apparently, all year round, they could be the subject of an experiment. This child has been using them for science!
Did they consent? Hard to say for sure. When you're down on your luck, you might do a lot just to eat a sandwich. We have some feedback, even before the grade comes in. Leave the hobos alone!
Women Are Everywhere and They Are Deadly
They're fifty percent of the world's population. They're pretty much all over the place. They might even be in the room with you now. And, worst of all, they're deadly. This young man decided to tackle the issue of women, and how treacherous they truly are. They're not only killers, but they are silent and sneaky. Thankfully, there is a scientific way to deal with this problem. Can you say future Nobel laureate?
We don't know how many people have already been affected by this scourge. We hope not that many, but who's counting? Maybe the problem is too big, worldwide. For a school project, this is ambitious.
He Has No Idea What He Is Writing
Geology is an interesting field, but it's not like elementary schoolers get into the subject very often. Maybe they learn about basic rock formations, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a third-grader who can really tell you about comparative density. Like, what's the difference between granite and marble, anyway? We're not even sure we know. So why is this kiddo writing about hard rocks on a spelling test?
We understand he had to find an example of the word on the page, But this? A lot of things are hard as a rock, but this doesn't sound quite right.
We Cannot Say This Is Our Favorite Location
Horses can weigh 1,000 pounds and they have the poo to prove it. Just imagine how much waste goes through a large body like that. Farmers report that each stallion can excrete 35-50 pounds of poop in just a day. On average, this happens over seven releases on the street, the grass, and wherever they happen to be at the time. This intuitive young student decided to investigate exactly what comes out of their bottoms.
Experts say that things might look green, brown, or black. And that's okay! The color depends on the horse's diet. beet or alfalfa sure look different on the way out. Especially in a huge pile!
We Just Want to Know Who's Donating the Fuel
The way we power farm equipment today has changed a lot in the last century or two. At one time, we used real horses to pull wagons and plow the land. With the industrial revolution, machines took over. That was awesome. But these days, there's a lot of new talk about alternative fuels for the future. Here, students propose a new way to power tractors. Their answer is breast milk. Human breast milk!
Supposedly, they demonstrate how it can be done, right here at their table. But innovative as it may be, we have to wonder who would volunteer for this job. It sounds pretty intrusive!
Horses Are a Completely Different Animal
Horses have evolved alongside humans for thousands of years. We probably started domesticating them around 4000 BC, and they really spread around. Today, we have created all kinds for farm life and hobby. Racehorses, workhorses, and even cute little ponies for the fair. It's not a surprise that this little girl is already a fan of them. Many adults started riding at a young age, and it becomes their passion.
We do have one suggestion, though: Learn to spell this animal! The essay above is full of sincerity. But the casual reader might not figure out what she is really talking about. We do assume it's horses!
This Is Proof That Every Letter Matters
Early childhood education is a rewarding field, for those who have the passion. It is in the first years of life that we learn important skills. Socially, we learn how to play with others nicely. Those lessons are invaluable, if not academic. But when it comes to school, reading, writing, and spelling are the core focus after you learn to count to ten. Here, we see a workbook teaching words alongside pictures.
All the youngster has to do is fill in the last word of a phrase. How did they do? We can see that one drawing illustrates socks. We think they got the right answer, in their head. But the spelling is off in a very silly way!
We Really Never Wanted to Know
The human body is a wonder, no doubt. But in many ways, it's also a stink factory! Whether it's your feet after peeling off sports socks, or your breath first thing in the morning, there's plenty of stench to go around. This clever young scientist has decided to investigate a timeless mystery: What do my farts smell like? Sure, you can sniff them, and form your own conclusions. But what does science say?
A formal investigation was necessary. According to his school project, his personal gas seems to be a mix of cabbage, salt, and sand. And his conclusion? They smell yummy. Do you agree?
We Actually Think He Followed the Arrow Well
On this worksheet, a child was tasked with writing a word to describe the picture on the left. We think the concept was clear. But maybe the pictures are a little tricky. There's a cab, a can, and a bag. But what is that other illustration, right in the middle? We might think it's a person sitting in a chair. But there is an arrow drawing your attention to a different spot.
We think the child wrote exactly what's underneath the arrow. But we have a hard time believing that was the intended word. Maybe sit was a more appropriate answer. But it's way too late for that!
The Cat Came Back the Very Next Day
They say that cats have nine lives. Whether they fall off the roof or get stick in a tiny space for days, they just seem to have a knack for survival. But is it fair to add electricity to the mix? In this science experiment, a proud little researcher displays her findings about zapping cats. Was her own pet used for the study? We don't know, but she doesn't look remorseful.
Sounds painful, for the cat, especially. Meow is an understatement. There have to be regulations about this kind of thing! Where is the elementary school ethic committee when you need them?
Different Strokes for Different Folks
We love to drink all kinds of liquids. In the hot category, there is coffee, tea, and all the milky variants. In the cold section, we have soda, pop, and coke. Some would say these are all the same thing, but the name varies by region. Fair enough, we say. But that's as far as we will go. We are not interested in drinking things in bottles below the kitchen sink. That's downright deadly!
This young lady has survived an incredibly scary science project. She claims she likes to drink all these things. Has she seriously tried to ingest them, and lived to tell the tale? We cannot approve. Bleach is dangerous!
We All Feel Happy When We Get It
Chocolate is a delicious treat made from beans. It's a little surprising when you think about it. How can lentils and cocoa be in the same category? Well, life is full of mysteries, and we like this one. Whether it's liquid or solid. chocolate always makes us happy. This student decided to share their joy about hot chocolate. But one letter can make all the difference sometimes, and this is one of those times.
We think most smart folks will be able to figure out his intentions. But this is a great opportunity to learn about English letter combos. When you combine consonants, they make a new sound. The c-h sound is key, here!
Fractions Are a Lot More Fun Than We Knew
In school, there's a debate. Which is more fun, decimals or fractions? Actually, the real answer is neither. But if we have to learn about the subject, we want to do it with fun games. There's the pizza fraction concept, which helped us imagine part of a whole. Then, there's this riddle of an assignment. As you can see, the student got almost every letter correct. But one is missing, and that's a big problem.
A fraction as a part of a whore? We really don't think that is the correct response. What do these things have to do with each other? Very little, but we bet you laughed.
We Can See She's Done Original Research
The father of gravity is Sir Isaac Newton. Legend has it that he saw an apple drop from a tree and that started it all. But even he explained: “No great discovery was ever made without a bold guess.” Here, one young physicist is going where plenty of folks have gone before. What happens when you jump off a building? We really thought Sir Isaac already answered that. But inquiring kids want to know!
It appears she was involved in the experiment herself. We see she has a solid answer in the form of two casts. We're sorry to see she has broken her arms, but we are also relieved. We had our doubts about gravity, but now we feel more certain.
We Must Admit We've Always Wondered About This
It's impolite, we will admit. But we, too, have always wondered why the elderly have a signature scent. According to docs, as our skin matures, it changes. We already knew that, just visually. But apparently, the natural antioxidants go away, and that changes the chemistry of what's going on. This granddaughter wanted to research the subject, and she put this board together for the fair. Looks pretty detailed, all in all.
We may have the answers, but it's still a little off-putting. Maybe the reason old ladies wear such strong perfume is to cover up the granny smell. We think that's a sound strategy until something better comes along.
Cats Love Fishing and We Love Cats
In the wild, felines come in all shapes and sizes. There are giant lions and tigers, and there are smaller leopards and cheetahs. Some cats chase prey, and some fish for food. The domestic housecat seems to have all of the instincts, but nowhere to use them. If you've ever been chased by your pet, maybe it's just practice. But occasionally, there is a real opportunity for a hunt in the house.
Keep your goldfish away from fluffy if you want to keep them safe. Otherwise might be in trouble. Your cat could be hungry. This language arts homework explains the problem. Thanks for the heads up!
We Wish Veronica the Absolute Best
In an assignment practicing silly sentences, a child draws a few pictures and explains them. First, we have a man who is under a tent. The tent is red, at least according to the description. The second picture is a little problematic. We can see the word isn't spelled quite right, but it appears that a woman named Veronica is suffering from a common ailment. Sounds painful. Will someone help her?
We don't know where this young person got the inspiration for the Veronica box, but it's a little worrying they know the word at all. Kids hear everything, never forget!
We Agree That They Are Overrrated
Dr. Dre is a prolific rapper and producer from the early '90s. We have no idea how this young, modern man discovered him. Maybe the internet is to blame. But apparently, the themes about rebellion and crime have already taken hold here. At the science fair, the rapper has his own display. The message is clear: Women aren't all they are cracked up to be. But what was the experiment to prove the hypothesis?
We see there are some containers of power in the background. We know that Dre was involved in all kinds of powders, back in his day. We hope that this student used legal ingredients, but it's hard to say from here.
This Gal Definitely Thinks Out the Box
Math gets tricky when it's combined with words. The dreaded word problem can give the most confidence among us the shivers. Here, one little gal decided to deal with her test anxiety by breaking out the colors. She drew a black cat on a skateboard. Below the art, we see that she explained herself politely with her dad's help.
The question is, will she get any credit for creativity? No, she didn't solve the problem. There's still a fish and chips bill to figure out. But how can we be mad at such a talented sweetheart?
Corpses Are Often Improperly Discarded
There is no right way to get rid of a dead body. In most cases, it's part of a larger crime, and that makes it very, very wrong. If you happen to live on a desert island with only one person, there could be a justification. When tragedy hits, you need to dispose of a corpse. Let's assume that's the reason this girl investigated the matter. She's trying to help!
On the board, we have a lot of data from folks who did it the wrong way. A famous missing girl is pictured on the left. That wasn't so successful, since we found her right away. Better example needed!